Silence in a Tortured Soul
by Dreamweaver74
Summary: Zoe's in danger of slipping away. Mal and the crew won't hear of it. WARNING SERENITY SPOILERS


Author's Note: Joss owns this, not I.

Read, review if you please.

Even if it sucks.

**Silence in a Tortured Soul**

**by Dreamweaver74**

**Part One: Mal**

_I want to ask how she's holding up, because frankly, I don't think she's doing so well. Most nights she stares out the window, curled up in what used to be Wash's chair. We didn't move the dinosaurs, and there have been times when I've caught her moving them around, as if that will make him there somehow. _

_If I sound a little pissed, it's because, well, I am. I told her I didn't want fraternizing among the crew, and now look where it's gotten her. Now, Kaylee is going moon eyed over the doctor, and Inara is back on board, making eyes at me. Drives a man to distraction-makes him slow when he should be aware, soft when he ought to be...well, I know what I'm tryin' to say anyhow._

_I never promised things were going to go all smooth, damn if anyone knows that, it should've been her. I never promised that there wouldn't be dark times. You love someone, livin' the life we do, there's a gorram chance you're going to lose them. Just the reality of things. _

Mal made his way to the cockpit, where he knew Zoe was most likely to be. It was where she spent most of her free time now, most times sleeping as well, as it was nearly impossible to stay in her room alone.

She woke, checking the instrument panel to make sure all was as well as it could be, considering. She was aware she wasn't alone, knew her Captain sat a mere two feet away. For a long moment, neither said a word, just stared out at the black ahead. She knew he was there, and that it was most likely because he wanted to talk a spell. Which she really didn't want to do. She closed her eyes and attempted to gather strength that barely existed.

"What's on your mind, sir?" She turned in her chair, eyes meeting his measure for measure.

"Remember when I asked how the ship was and you told me she was torn but she'd fly true? I need to know she still is. 'Cause we might have some rough waters ahead, and I've got to be right certain I can count on her."

He stood up and leaned against the console.

"She's not looking too good lately, not taking the kind of rest she should. She needs help, Zoe." She could tell he was having a time keeping to metaphors, and she just wanted him to hurry up and say whatever it was.

"I appreciate your concern, I do. Really. But I'm not going to break. I know we don't talk much about..what...happened, about..._him_," she replied, her hand gripping the armrest tighter than she'd intended. "But I'll be all right."

"I'm not so sure about that. It's barely contained, all this. Ship feels different. Can't expect it not to. But you need to talk to someone, you can't keep it all locked up, because it's gonna get worse and worse until finally it eats you alive."

She hadn't broke her gaze the entire time. A part of him wished she had. Her eyes looked darker and emptier than even the vast loneliness that dwelled on the other side of the window.

"I'm dealing just fine, sir. Now if you excuse me, I've got work to do." She rose to leave, but Mal placed a firm hand on her arm.

"Wo de tien ah, Zoe, you ain't. In fact, you are fading here, and the people who care about you are a mite concerned, one of which happens to be me. Right now you're hollow, you're broken and you look like you haven't had a good night's sleep in-"

"_Three weeks, six days, 21 hours and 14 minutes_." She spoke as calm as he'd ever heard her, but there was a distinctly frightening edge just beneath. He tried to recall the last he'd seen her in such a state. Truth was, this was the first.

"Pretty good, isn't it? That's what my free moments are occupied with when I'm not busy shoving everything down so gorram _deep _that pretty soon, I won't even know _what_ it is I've locked away!" She pushed his hand away, obsidian eyes staring, a storm brewing within.

"I've never made a false step, not against anyone, and certainly not you. You leave me to handle this in my own way, in my own time." She turned and stalked away, leaving him to stare after her in silence.

"I don't think we have that long," Mal replied.


End file.
